1. If you are traveling down a scary road in the middle of swamp country, plan on your van breaking down.

2. It is impossible to overuse the word "Like."

3. Never, ever, ever trust a man who goes by the nickname "Old Man Jones" and who manages an abandoned hotel or castle.

4. When in a hurry, dogs make great motorcycles...and water skis.

5. You can pull off some of the greatest scams with wire, bed sheets, and a hologram machine.

6. It's never a good idea to stop in an abandoned town for pizza - bad things happen.

7. Disco music and a submarine sandwich makes everything better.

8. Bad guys always hide behind paintings, so make sure you watch the eyes.

9. Whenever you need to split up, send the two most ignorant members of your party together - it's just plain fun.

10. Avoid using words like doobie and munchies - it might give people the wrong idea.