AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a
cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The
blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the
toilet seat by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing
the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock,
will prevent you from rolling over and going back to
sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct
Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to
know them

BEST (actual) HEADLINES OF 2006

BEST (actual) HEADLINES OF 2006:

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,
It May Last Awhile

Ya think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain;
Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!
Oklahoma's construction program!

Man Struck By Lightning:
Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren't they fat enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That's what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

What A Week!

What a week this has been! Have you ever had a week when everything just seemed to go wrong? Well, that was my week. I turned my back on a friend, lost a friend to death and just felt like everyone in this small town had it out for me.

See, it started out so great, just another day of having fun laughing with friends, ministering to people and seeing lives changed. Then all of a sudden, poof! It was like somebody ripped the carpet out from underneath me.

We were all out to dinner just sitting around the table eating and telling jokes, sharing out our day of ministry, when out of nowhere someone at the table announces he's going to die. That isn't something you just say; it's not like, "hey pass the salt, oh, by the way, I'm dying, how's the meat loaf?". No, there needs to be preparation, a lead in a buffer. But no, not this time.

We were all shocked, nobody was saying anything, it was too quiet. That eerie quiet. So I spoke up and said, "I won't allow that to happen", as if I could stop it.

That was a week ago. The group all got together again tonite. We were all in the room, kinda hiding out to regroup and see what our next step was going to be. Nobody was really sure what to do. Should we all separate and go back to what we had done before we formed our group or should we continue with the ministry. To be honest, we were a little scared to go forward, but nobody really wanted to admit we were scared.

I was just about to leave when I heard a girl screaming! I turned and there was my buddy Luke, screaming like a girl, screaming "Ghost!!" We all turned and there in the room stood a man who appeared from out of nowhere. His voice sounded familiar, that soothing calm, familiar. He held out his hands and said, "Peace be with you."

Out of all the things He could have said, that was the one thing we needed to hear!

At that we realized it was our friend who had died! Jesus was back! My heart leaped. I wanted to jump up and hug him, but I was in to much shock to move! He sat down with us and once again for once last time and ate with us. We laughed and shared stories and shared about how our ministry was going to go on....

Until I meet you again on the road,

The Disciple Peter

The Elephant Man

We were in church the other Sunday waiting for the service to start when I noticed something in the front of the church between the stage and the pews!  It was big and it was blocking the view of most of the pulpit and stage area.  It was an ELEPHANT!!!  I was excited because I was sure this mornings sermon was going to be great with a "prop" like that in the church.  I usually use props when I speak in church, but nothing like this!  I noticed a few families had a hard time sitting together with the elephant in the church.

The minister of music got up and started to lead us in chorus, it was hard to see him or even focus on the music as the elephant was right there in the midst of everything, but still my excitement was growing.  The greeting was difficult to do, as many couldn't get to others with the elephant in the way.  The offering came and a few people had a hard time giving with the elephant being there and in the way, but some managed. 

Then the part I waited for was up, the Pastor got up to give the sermon, It was hard to see him with the elephant there, but I was not going to miss how he was going to use this prop....

The sermon ended and the prayer was said, an invitation was given, but not many came with the elephant up there blocking their way to the altar.  The service ended, and people were getting up to leave and no one mentioned the elephant!

I couldn't believe it!  As I stared at it, I noticed something, most people were oblivious to it.  They just walked around it, side stepped it, or just plain ignored it like it wasn't even there.

How could they sit through an entire church service and not see the elephant in front of their faces.  I touched one member on the arm and asked him about the elephant, he said, "oh, it's been there for years, most people just ignore it, hoping it will go away".

I asked him what about not being able to see the preacher or get to the altar and he just shrugged and said, most of us just don't think about it I guess.  If you can't see, just get up and move, he suggested.

"But there is STILL an elephant in the church", I said.  He just laughed and said, "what are you, the elephant man?  Just let it go, in a few weeks, you'll hardly notice it."

But I do notice it and always will notice an elephant in my church.  Why is it that so many members are scared to say that there is an elephant in the church, blocking their worship, their fellowship with the Pastor or other members of the church?  Why doesn't anyone get up and remove the elephant?  I guess no one wants to be called the "Elephant Man"....

But I will not rest until the elephant is gone, and my worship and fellowship is restored in my church.  

Until then, call me the Elephant Man